The FBI and CIA have just released the name of the woman responsible for locating and turning in Uday and Qusay Hussein.

Turns out it was their sister, Ubitch.

In Arabic, that means the same thing it does in English.

How do you teach a blonde math? Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, insert your square root, leave your solution and let's hope she don't multiply.

A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24.

"Nobody" comes the reply.

"Good" says the man, "I must have escaped!"

Deja Moo: "The feeling you've heard this bullshit before."

A man called the doctor's office and says that his wife has the flu and needs an appointment. The receptionist replied that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that he could have an appointment in 3 days.

The man went ballistic and yelled into the phone, "Three days?!!! The doctor can't see her for three days?!!! She could be dead by then!"

Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?"

A hot looking gal walked into a record store and asked the clerk, "Do you have the latest from Nine Inch Nails?"

The clerk ogled her, then said, "What I have is a splendid 8-inch wanker."

The puzzled girl asked, "Is that a record?"

The clerk proudly returned, "No, but its better than average."

A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun.

The clerk, seeing that the customer was obviously very wealthy showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $20,000.

The customer says, "No, not quite what I need."

Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. A steal at only $7,500.

The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy."

The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $129.95.

The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it is an informal wedding."

A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife: "Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news: I got $25,000.00 severance pay!"

His wife said: "$25,000.00 in severance pay? That's great! Now, what's the bad news?"

He said: "Wait till you hear what was severed!"

Signs Your Spouse Is Sleeping With Santa

• Instead of cookies and milk, she leaves out a fifth of Scotch and edible panties.
• Comes home with tinsel stuck between her teeth and Claus marks on her back.
• Of the 200 presents for her under the tree, you bought three of them.
• Never very adventuresome in bed, she suddenly asks if you want to do it "reindeer style."
• He comes in late, brushes his teeth furiously, uses floss and mouthwash for the first time in years, then says, "Well, it looks like I'm finally getting that train set this year!"
• Her picture is prominently featured on santasbitches.com
• Every day after work, elves block you in traffic to keep you from getting home too early.
• She's shaved her pubic hair into the shape of a little chimney.
• Tells you that you would look a lot sexier if you grew a beard and added 150 pounds.
• Every December 24th it's the same routine: She puts on a teddy and sits on the roof.

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."