Saddam Hussein's son comes home from shopping with everything in a cardboard box. His dad says, "Why have you brought the shopping home in a cardboard box, son?"

To which his son replies,

"Because there was no Baghdad!"

Do you know what Bobby Brown is getting Whitney Houston for Christmas?

I don’t know, but it’s sure to include the battery.

Michael Jackson said he was beaten by the police when he was arrested. Does that make him the Rodney King of pop?

I was reading that Mick Jagger was knighted by the queen of England. He’s now Sir Mick.
If Keith Richards was knighted would that make him Sir Ringe?

It was a May-December marriage, and as the old man climbed in to bed for the first time with his new bride, he asked, "Did your mother tell you what to do on your wedding night?"

"Yes," she cooed, kissing him lightly, "She told me everything."

"Good," said the elderly gentleman as he turned out the light, "because I've forgotten."

Jose was 35 and desperate to meet an attractive Latina he could date and maybe marry. After trying unsuccessfully to meet a nice attractive woman at a bar or club . . . his friend suggested the Internet.

He had luck meeting women that way and his only warning was "Be direct and state exactly what you are looking for . . . no more, no less".

Taking his friends advice he decided to place an ad on a dating service stating exactly what he wanted . . .

"Latino seeking sensual Latina." He got a response from girl #2259 with her address and directions to pick her up on Friday night at 8:00 pm for a date.

When he arrives at her door, he finds that she is indeed sensual. But he notices she is black. Figuring she must be Dominicana or Cubana, he starts to speak Spanish to her.. "Como esta usted senorita?"

With attitude the girl replied..."OH HELLLLLLLL NO, you must be trippin!!!!"

Confused and startled, Jose asks the woman . . .

"Don't you speak Spanish ???"

The woman shocked replied . . . "Why the HELLLLL would I speak Spanish???"

Embarrassed, Jose carefully explains that while she is very attractive there must be a mistake because his ad clearly stated "Seeking Sensual Latina"

Enraged, the woman tells Jose . . . "Fool you better RECOGNIZE !!!! You GOT what you WANTED!!!! My momma is LaShonda . . .My sister is LaQuisha. My brother is LaTrell . . . and I am LaTINA !!!!

Wife to husband: "I'll let you explain to your son why his sister can have training bras but he can't have training condoms."

Q. Why do Mexicans make tamales at Christmas time?
A. So they can have something to unwrap.

What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged!

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything .

What's the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Why do men have orgasms?
How else would we know when to stop?

An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."

His friend replied, "Why...don't you celebrate April first?"

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a son in third grade. Part of his daily homework is to practice his spelling for his weekly tests. So together, Donna and her son go over the words for the test, both meaning and spelling of the words.

A few weeks ago, her son brought home his test. He scored 97%, missing only one word. The word was "clock." Part of the test was to use each spelling list word in a sentence. His sentence? "My dad gave my mom a clock for her birthday" only it seems he'd accidentally omitted the letter "L."

Donna said there was no comment on the test, just the biggest check mark she had ever seen.

Bill was just settling in to a barber's chair when he overheard the elderly man next to him say, "I"m not much for pills, but I'm taking Ginkgo-Viagra. I want to remember what sex was like."